Those time vampires over at The Onion have created yet another hernia-inducing parody newscast – this time lampooning the world’s largest gadget maker for its endless sea of irrelevant and often confusing consumer devices.

This is exactly what I want sitting on my desk next to a pile of oily rags soaked in gasoline, in an office filled with asbestos furniture.

So I take it this means upskirt photos are illegal too? Remind me never to visit Korea.

Via: Beconfused

“Personally I think birthdays and anniversaries are like menstrual cramps, a regular pain in the ass that’s somehow connected to birth.” - Hugh Elliott

Robert Scoble is one of my favorite bloggers. His prolific postings on all things tech are always worth reading, if only for shear entertainment value. I frequently follow him on Twitter and other social network circles where he’s willing to add me as friend – which is to say everywhere. He’s earned the nickname “Scobleizer” for good reason; the man is a blogging machine. I think he has Cat5 cable running intravenously into each arm, and a video camera hooked to his… well somewhere. He is unstoppable.

If you follow him on Twitter you quickly learn a painful lesson – post often or your Twitter profile with be swallowed by his postings. With Twitterific running in the background, my Mac sings like a bloody canary chirping away in the menubar, alerting me to every twitter emanating from Scoble as they pour forth from the ether. Between his live streaming and constant updates, I am buried is a sea of Scoblings.

I edited my profile today an made a horrifying discovery; Scoble ate my Twitter! He dominates my profile page. Which means it’s time for me to post more frequenly, or time for Robert’s family and colleagues to intervene and take away his Twitter privileges. Come home, Robert. Your family misses you.

What’s surprises me is how the company makes a deliberate effort to pass off ad code as user notifications in a blatant effort to fool users into clicking. Aside from sheer annoyance, these pseudo notifications show a lack of business ethics on the part of FaceBook. It’s one thing to motivate users to clicking on ad links, but another thing to trick them into doing it, and it’s a growing trend.

The most annoying and prevalent among these ad links are the ones claiming that one or more persons in my friends list has a “secret crush” on me. The ad itself looks exactly like a legitimate FaceBook user notification message, until you click “Continue”, which would normally take you to your profile page but instead redirects you to some questionable site called MyLuvCrush; An obvious spam site designed to harvest emails and personal user information for marketing purposes. Sorry, but my secret crush will have to remain secret… along with my personal information.

I spot these ads all the time now, and they have become so common that I literally can’t log into my profile without being subjected to constant threats from this spam bot warning me that my last chance at happiness is slipping away, and if I don’t find out who my secret crush is now, their message will be deleted and I will spend the rest of my life alone and unloved. That’s simply not true, I have the adult entertainment industry and my blow up sex doll to keep me company.

In no way do I begrudge FaceBook from profiting through use of ads, but there is a right and wrong way of doing that and these masqueraded ads are clearly an improper method for generating revenues.

AT&T’s vision of a technological future, as seen from 1993, largely came true; but not in the totalitarian telecommunications controlled scheme it envisioned… thank God. Watch the video, have a laugh, then sit speechless as you realize we are now living in the world depicted in this ad. “You are”.

We all know that Vista is a shitty operating system, but I’ll bet you didn’t know that it also dispenses toilet paper and comes with a free plunger. Aero never looked so good… next to a toilet. Always remember to wash your hands after each use.

Bob, for those of you who don’t know, was Microsoft’s misguided effort to develop a friendly graphical interface for common consumers, back in the mid-1990s. Apparently Microsoft believed that home users were too either stupid to use a computer or lacked the aptitude and adaptive learning to ever use one. The solution they came up with was to turn Window’s desktop shell into a hideous task-based cartoon environment, complete with animated characters. The idea never took off, fortunately, but from Bob’s ashes rose an even more dreaded figure that would make it’s way into MS Office; the infamous “Clippy” office assistant.